update…

13Apr09

She finally called…she woke up at 5 in the afternoon and saw my texts and read all the ones she sent me….She called me in tears apologizing….she told me everything I already knew…she is in a real bad place where she is just trying to escape by drinking…and drinking an irresponsible amount c7wrfp2m_small2

so we did it….Posh and I went over with flowers, Hickory Sticks, and beef jerky (three of said friend’s faves) and talked to My wonderful friend about her problem….we told her we loved her and would always be there for her in any way she needed us but that we couldn’t watch her destroy herself…she was an emotional mess but she got it (I hope) …we talked more about some positive steps she needs to take to move forward with her life…and she agreed…all in all I was relieved…I have my concerns but she is here and lucid


Confusion sets in….

wow…so this is what it is like to deal with an unreasonable drunk…this is a bit foreign to me….my friend will not answer any of my texts or calls and is also ignoring another of our friends….I am shocked by her behaviour…this is not what she is like normally…she is the sweetest most giving person…now she is stubborn and nasty…the only texts back that I received from her were last night during her drunken stupor….she told me to leave her alone, don’t text or contact her ever,that our friendship was done

crazy-drunk-man-1I am sad….frustrated…confused

I know that this is her shit but I love her so much and this is so opposite of her usual self….I thought she would wake up this morning and either not remember anything or else be so sorry for her actions….

Alcohol is one crazy drug…don’t get me wrong, you all know that I like to imbibe but to let it overtake your life?…I can’t compute ….I am so shocked that someone’s personality can do a complete 180 because of alcohol…I can intellectualize the situation…see her stress factors (breakup, job loss, unwanted pregnancy etc) and understand why she is reacting this way but…then I feel so sad and confused and hurt….and helpless…..I feel that anything I say to her about her drinking she will see as a personal attack

I have left messages and texts saying how much I love and care for her and how I will always be here for her…she has replied by saying I tossed her out like a douche…this doesn’t even make sense…we haven’t even had our mini intervention with her yet!… so I have not said anything to her other than she shouldn’t feel guilty all the time as she is one of the most compassionate giving people I have ever met…..

I am stunned

sad sad smooches,


Sigh

10Apr09

Tonight I feel sad…a very dear friend is going through some real turmoil…and now she is drinking far too much…this woman is absolutely amazing; wonderful,kind,  compassionate, and generous…but she is not working now and has too much time on her hands…she and her man have also gone their separate ways (which is for the best)…and she just found out she is pregnant

Sigh

I am here for her and see her all the time…but everytime I see her she is drunk…and I don’t mean tipsy …I mean slurring…another friend and I are going to have a talk to her tomorrow…i am not looking forward to it…

Tonight I saw her drunk and nasty for the first time….I am hurt and concerned by her behaviour tonight

Sigh

tired smooches,


09Apr09

Yay!  Spring has finally arrived here in Blisstown…about time as I really can’t handle another snowfall….I like snow in December,January…even November and February but March?…now that’s pushing it….April?…no f#*king way!…I want my flip flops now!…

This morning I got my wish…

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Work is going well…I am loving my new work buddies…Last night we went for a few drinks at the little lounge up the block…we had so much fun…my sides are actually sore from laughing so hard…not to mention my head from multiple greyhounds….or maybe the shot of tequila…..

And to add to my blissness….I bought myself a pair of shoes that I totally couldn’t afford…but I love them!….and there is not an ounce of regret in this girl…I mean look at them….I had to….

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Smooches,

PS Today I am thankful for open toed shoe weather


Easter…blech!

02Apr09

easter_fullEaster is my least favourite holiday….it seems pointless to me….I am not religious and so the true point of Easter is somewhat lost on me….I can appreciate the holiday but it is not mine…..

I always get a little pissed off by the rampant commercialism that is hoisted upon us…but most of all I get pissed with myself because no matter how much I try to avoid this holiday I end up getting chocolates and hiding them in the back yard for the kids…

hmmmm….I guess it can’t be that bad if it ends in chocolate

Later this morning…..

Ok  I just had a freak out….My house is a f#*cking pigsty and it is not my mess….these thoughtless shits darling daughters of mine make a whole lotta mess!….and they don’t clean up!…they are not that bad I guess but if I am not nagging them about cleaning up they let it go….this morning I walked into the livingroom to see the couch covered by blankets pillows (who knew we even had that many pillows?), the coffee table under a heap of papers, pencil crayons, pencil sharpeners, glasses, a cup, a plate, and an empty tofu container, the floor was littered with dvds and playstation games and backpacks….

That was when I freaked…

I hate that….that is not what I want to do first thing in the morning….that is not what I want to do anytime…..now I just feel frustrated, exhausted, sad, and disappointed with myself

Sigh

Tomorrow will be better

self pitying smooches,

PS today I am thankful for my cat (who still loves me when i freak out…Yeah that’s right… I am feeling sorry for myself!)…. I am also thankful for my Asian Spice and Marvelous M for listening to me vent because I am about to call at least one of them to bitch now!


My oldest daughter had another audition last night…this time it was to get into a music school ….I am happy to report she was fabulous!…this little mama’s heart was swelling with pride…..she was accepted and starts in a week and a half….it is a bit of a commitment on her part but I think she will rise to the occassion….at least I hope….she tends to be a little scatterred and lackadaisical about her schoolwork and chores etc (although she does get Bs and As)….however music seems to be the one consistent focus she has had….so here goes

It was pretty cool watching some of the auditions…you could feel the nervous tension in the room but it was very inspiring to see these kids overcoming their fear and getting on the stage ….it took me years to do that

On another note, it is f**king snowing again!!!!  #$%*#  I am so done with snow now!!!!   I love the snow in December….even January and November…but April 1!?…this is a bad April Fool’s joke!….I know I live in Canada but we gloat about our blossoms and daffodils when the rest of you poor sots are still shovelling…..karma’s a bitch…..hmmmm it does sorta look pretty…

smooches,

PS today I am thankful for spring…also I am thankful for the comments and messages I received following my last post….thank you it helped just getting it off my chest…purging if you will




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